Maelie Hope is 1 month old!

Maelie is 1 month old today!  I can't believe how fast this month has gone, and at the same time I feel like she has been apart of our family forever.  In the past month life has significantly changed (obviously).  For starters I have 2 kids now :)  My hair is always crazy, I hardly have any makeup on and if I do it's usually only half a side done, I am exhausted beyond measure, have washed a dozen loads of laundry ENTIRELY of pink and purple clothes, blankets, burp cloths, have been pooped on twice in 1 day, nursed more hours of the day than I care to count, bounced and shushed for hours as little Mae screams her way into my heart, but most of all I have cuddled, held and stared at for hours, adored, taken a bazillion pictures, and fallen in love with this little peanut that God gave us.

In the first month Maelie Hope has already acquired a couple of nicknames:  Mae; Mae Mae; Maelie Moe; M; little Mae; little Woman; Baby Mae; Maeweee (G's contribution); Super Mae (also G's contribution); Mighty Mae (also G)

Sweet Maelie Hope we love you so much!  You are a bit of a crier...or a lot of a crier :)  You are a girl who knows what she wants, if only we knew trust me we would move Heaven and Earth to get it for you!  You have the prettiest dark blue eyes.  You look so much like your big brother G, so much so he thought a picture of him was you! You LOVE being in the stroller and sometimes it's where we let you sleep so you won't cry.  You love having your little hands right up by your face, and sucking on your hand.  You have started smiling at us when we talk you.  You LOVE bath time and coconut oil baby massages!  Your bedtime is between 7 and 7:30 and you are sleeping 4 hour stretches until about 8am (knocking on wood).  You are a noisy little nurser and grunt and coo the entire time you nurse :)  We love all your funny/sweet faces and G and I often make a game out of talking for you in funny voices saying what we think you would say according to your face...it's quite hilarious sometimes :)

The "You people have no clue face" 

G: "I'm so tired mom, but I just can't put my arm down...must keep dancing"

"Seriously mom...more pictures" 

I love her cute yawn

G calls this her "Doh" face...pretty sure he took that from Homer Simpsons famous line "Doh"

Sometimes you randomly flail your arms and punch yourself in the face, which your big brother G thinks is hilarious.  Big brother G loves you more than he could have ever imagined, he adoringly calls you "his baby" when he talks about you at school or to other people, and ask every night for you to come lay in bed with us when I read to him.  He has gotten in trouble a couple of times when you have been sleeping because he sneaks in and talks to you and starts tickling your feet or hands cause he "just wanted to see Maeweeee".

Little Mae's and Big G's feet :)

You are certainly loved little woman.  It's only been a month and you have turned our world upside down with little girl sweetness...along with some sleepless nights, and lots of crying, but mostly just little girl sweetness.  I have asked your dad on numerous occasions "why did we wait so long to have one of these?"  We love you so much!!

Shower for Baby Girl Swanson

My dear friends had the sweetest/funniest baby shower for baby girl Swanson!  I felt so loved and blessed by everyone who came.  While this pregnancy has been so great from beginning to end (although today is my due date and as far as I can tell there is no end in sight yet), I have been so sad knowing I will be having a baby without my mom and sister here.  I would say it's definitely been one of the things that makes me saddest about living so far away and about this pregnancy.
My dad wrote a note that they gave to me at the shower which was so sweet and one of my favorite things about the shower.  My heart was filled with joy to read his words and yet quickly filled with the saddness and pain of not having them near to celebrate this sweet time with us.  We are counting down the days until we are going home and they get to meet baby girl!

Even though my blood family can't be here, I have been so blessed by "family" here in Costa Rica and the baby shower reminded me of how blessed I am to have such a great support system here, and I really am so thankful for that.  

It was so fun opening each gift and getting little pink, purple, yellow ruffled things.  So weird!!!  When I got home, I literally took everything out again and looked at every single thing to help it sink in, that yes indeed I was having a baby, and yes indeed it was a girl!  Or at least I hope so at this point :)

G walked in from being at a friends house and saw everything on the table and said "Are you kidding me????  This is all for the baby?  Babies are tiny and don't even do anything and every single thing is pink!  Is there anything in there for me?"  Luckily I did bring him back some cake pops so it ended up being okay in his book.  

The DEETS!
If there's one thing I love about parties, it's the little details of things!  Everything at the shower had the "pop" theme.  It was so cute!

31 weeks pregnant, only 9 weeks left until I pop!

Finding the tiny safety pins in a bowl of rice.  Sounds easy but the only ones I actually got out are when I was cheating... :)

I had to post this pic because I think it's the only piece of clothing I got that wasn't pink :)

We played a game where if you caught someone touching their hair you stole their clothes pin and all the ones they had stolen.  Pauline was the clothes pin bandit the entire shower, until...

The confident look of the winner as the time came to a close

Until she was ambushed by Pamela!  Poor Pauline!!

Even every tissue paper was some shade of pink :)

The TREATS!

We won't discuss how many cake pops I may have eaten.  Hypothetically speaking it might have been close to the number of clothes pins Pamela ended up with :)  

And most important the PEEPS!  I can't say enough for the friends I have, I am so blessed!  Thank you all for making this time so special and loving us!

After this picture was taken something hysterical happened...

I mean hilariously funny...

Uncontrollably laughing funny...

Those are tears coming out funny...

Okay almost pulling it together funny...I have no idea what was so funny but seriously, it must have been really funny :)

Mother's Day: Sweet blessings and the broad spectrum of "Mom"

For my mothers day gift Gentry wrote me a song, but of course could not perform it because "I am not a performer", but luckily he has a dad who can strum the guitar and sing, so they make a pretty good team.  

"We love you Mom"

Lyrics By Gentry Swanson

Performed By Jeff Swanson

*My favorite thing about my mom, is when she takes me to school.

If she did not take me to school, I wouldn't know a thing.

Cause we love you mom

And we love you mom

And we love you mom

Yes we love you mom

My mom is very funny, when she tickles me,

She's really nice because she does everything for me.

And we love you mom

And we love you mom

And we love you mom

And we love you mom

This Mother's Day I'm gonna make you feel great

Like bake you a cookie cake, I love you mom.

And we love you mom

And we love you mom

And we love you mom

And we love you mom

Love you mom

I am also 30 weeks pregnant on this Mother's Day!!  Eeeeks I can't believe in 10 short weeks (give or take) I will be the mother of 2 and mother of a girl!!  So for my last Mother's Day being only Gentry's mom I thought I would reflect on some of the reasons I am so thankful to be your mom sweet boy!

1.  You showed me more than anything else that has happened in my life, that God knows me so much better than I know myself.  You have been and always will be the greatest surprise of my life!

2.  Your a boy after my own heart and I "get" this side of you:  Your an introvert but you love people, you wear you heart on your sleeves (actually you kinda hide it until we have long talks where you spill your little heart out about how your feeling), you love to cuddle, you love reading Harry Potter with me, you have crazy wild hair like me and a crazy wild spirit like your dad, you love sleep :), your funny, loving, caring, and compassionate for others, you know how to work the system giving me hugs and kisses when you really want to do something (I'm okay with you working it, cause I know those sweet kisses and hugs will get further and far between and so I cherish every one, even if there is alternative motives behind them).

3.  Your a boy after dad's own heart and he "gets" this side of you:  You love the water from morning till night you could be in the ocean (much of the time farther out than I would appreciate, but again this is the side dad gets), your a true little artist, bodily functions and the word poop is your normal daily vocabulary for many things that have nothing to do with poop or bodily functions, showers are a bit overrated right now, underwear is optional on most days, and letting Molly eat the crumbs off your stomach while you lay on the floor watching TV is a perfectly acceptable mode of "cleaning up".

4.  You have been an only child for almost 9 years and in all honesty I have loved every minute of having just you for that time!  What a blessing it has been to be able to be available to you and love on you for a full 9 years before a little sis finally comes into the picture!  And just in time as you don't need mom quite as much as you used to :)

5.  Your you.  I smile (most of the time) when you remind me "mom you said it's important to be me, and that's just what I'm doing", because it's true, I simply just love you and love being your mom.  Sure there are days that I wish so bad you would go along with a hair cut and let me brush it and make it all "nice" for school, or I wish you would be a little more friendly to people you don't know as well, but at the end of the day, I love you, and I love that your you crazy hair, introverted, sweet smiling surfer boy Gentry David and I would never want to change anything about you (except a hair cut...I'm just kidding let the crazy curls fly!)!

6.  You daily push me to seek the Lord more and more.  Often times it's because I don't know what the heck I'm doing!!  Whether it's me losing my tempter cause I just need you to remember all 7 provinces of Costa Rica and the 4 important facts about them (and I'm so tired and pregnant for heaven's sake), you loosing it cause something messed up on your video game and your convinced it's the end of the world or you don't get to play with friends at the exact moment you would like to, us laughing in your bed cause Dudley Dursley got what was coming to him from Harry Potter, you telling me you forgive me after I've lost it about the dang provinces, sitting at the table as you tell us about your day, or me being able to listen and extend grace to you after a rather ridiculous meltdown, I am daily reminded that you are and will always be an intricate part of my journey to know the Lord more, and without you, I would not be the women/mom I am today.  Through the good, the bad, and the ugly I truly love being your mom, thanks for being apart of my journey to know Christ more deeply. 

As G and Jeff sang their sweet song, and I thought about all the reasons I love being a mom and how blessed I have been, I was also reminded of how sometimes we don't always get what we want, or it doesn't look like we thought, or we regret choices we made.  I think Mother's Day can be one of those days for many of us women.  Sure it's a great day to celebrate moms!  We are pretty awesome right?  But what about the women who don't fit the traditional definition of "mom", but are still pretty awesome too????  

 I came across this great blog that talked about the different "mother roles" and how they can all be honored.  As great of a day Mother's Day is, it can also be a day that brings pain and disappointment to women in different situations.  The list was so great I thought I would share it.  To all "moms" in different stages, whatever your "mom" role is/was/wants/wishes to be, tomorrow is for you and I hope you all have a wonderful day!

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, abortions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

- See more at: http://timewarpwife.com

It's A....

We are 23 weeks along, and it's a GIRL!  

EEEEEEEKS!!!!  The Swanson house is about to add a baby girl to the mix!!  WHAT?????  Our house is literally split down the middle on how we feel about this precious little girl coming our way.  From the beginning Jeff has wanted a girl,  G has adamantly said "neither, but a boy or nothing!", and I have been indifferent.  The above picture captures all of our responses perfectly :)

We wanted to find out what we were having but wanted it to just be the two of initially, so we had our Dr. write it on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope so Jeff and I could go to lunch together and open it.  When game time came we were both kind of nervous and I could not decide what was the best way for us to open it (When it comes to small relatively menial decisions in life like how we should open the envelope to find out what we are having  I literally can't make up mind because there's too many options that COULD be the better choice.  Give me life or death decisions any day but seriously the small details in life somebody just make them for me otherwise we will be here discussing this decision for the next week)

Our time at lunch began to go down the "Ash path of too many options" for opening the envelope and so my dear husband decided he would open it, and buy a little gift that would tell me.  Thank goodness he just made the executive decision because all I was thinking was, "which one of us should open the envelope, should the other one film it or take a picture,  what if Jeff is disappointed if it's a boy, what if I secretly wanted a boy or a girl, should have gotten someone to capture the moment on camera besides just us two, and so on and so on, so much so I couldn't bring myself to open the dang envelope!!  

So we parted ways after lunch and I headed to the bookstore to find G a new book, and Jeff headed to the baby store to open the envelope and buy a gift.  When we met up he had a great poker face, I literally couldn't tell if he was disappointed or doing an awesome job keeping the suspense.  Up until the point I opened the envelope I really hadn't cared one way or the other, so I was surprised at my response in finding out it was a girl.  I was super excited, shocked, and of course my mind instantly starting going down my "Ash path of too many options"...  I don't know how to braid hair, how do you potty train a girl...G ran around our backyard naked for a week and it worked, what if she loves Barbies...I hate them, I hope she always knows she is beautiful because God created her exactly how He wanted her, please don't let her struggle with body image issues...she is beautiful, for G a diaper was a perfectly acceptable outfit...I think girls require more than that, I hope she will always find her worth in Christ not by what some man tells her, hormones...high school...and hormones, she is not watching Beauty and the Beast...worst girl movie ever...you can't change a raging beast into your prince charming by just loving him, it will never happen, it's called abuse!!  That was just the first 10 seconds after finding out :)  I laugh/cried for the next 30 minutes as Jeff and I talked about a GIRL!!  He was so cute an excited as soon as I opened it he didn't stop smiling ear to ear for the rest of the day.  I am sooooo excited to share life with a sweet baby girl, just feels so weird after almost 9 years of straight up boy life!  Bring on the pink baby!!

I'm pretty sure the pics we have of G's response pretty much explain everything he was feeling.  Even though he was devastated at first and cried the rest of the night, he does on occasion say sweet things about the baby and when he feels her kick in my stomach says "hey little sister you stop kicking your big brother"  I actually think he's excited but embarrassed to admit it, which is fine.  Work through the feelings little man, your wife will appreciate your ability to do that someday!

Secretly a little excited to find out...

Not so secretly devastated by the mere glimpse of something pink :(

We have about 17 weeks to go until we meet our sweet little girl and can't wait to see how she changes our lives.  How blessed we are to have a girl on the way, and a boy for the last 8 years!  

The week we knew we were pregnant...

In reality we have known that we were pregnant since a little before Thanksgiving, but it hasn't been until recently that it is setting in that we are INDEED PREGNANT!  

I truly have no huge complaints with this pregnancy. (well maybe a few...like some normal pregnancy uncomfortables, I seriously just need some Chipotle barbacoa tacos with guacamole, and it's so spankin hot here I feel like I AM an oven living IN an oven and I would love my family and everyone else around so much more if air conditiong was a part of normal life here!!!!!!!)   I have felt really good, no morning sickness, no huge aches and pains, no food aversions (in fact I really just like food in general!).  Life has continued as normal for the most part and I haven't felt like I have had to slow down too much.  There are the normal things like falling asleep at 8pm every night (sometimes while reading to G, or even twice while praying with him!), or the occassional food swings but other than that, I feel really good and sometimes forget I am pregnant. I haven't even felt super emotional (unless I'm hungry) and haven't had any crazy mood swings.  (I will admit this last statement is from my persepctive and Jeff might have different thoughts, but it's my blog and I'll write what I want to, and I think I have been rather peachy for a hot (I mean temperature outside) preggo lady :)

*Note: Food swings are not to be confused with mood swings.  Food swings are when you are so hungry, nothing matters at all until you get food in your stomach.  They happen when you least expect it and are usually accompanied by uncontrollable tears, and an inability to make up your mind on what exaclty you need, you simply know you need food asap.  In most cases your son says "get mom whatever food she needs now, she is really sad about being hungry" and your husband either runs around the kitchen taking things out of the cabinet or fridge showing you all the options trying to make the tears stop or if you are in the car quickly learns to drive to whatever restaurant is closest that he knows you like.  The food swing instantly goes away as soon as you get food in your stomach, it's a fairly quick recovery and as long as you have food readily available wherever you are, you should not be in any danger. Your husband should take precautionary measures in case you should ever be caught without food.  Tissues and accomodating gentle responses will get him and any innocent bystanders enough time to get you to the nearest emergency food source.  

All that to say week 18 rolled around and it was clearly evident that there was a pregnancy in the house!  I was in my bedroom with the air cranked up as low as it would go watching Downton Abbey.  I stormed out of the room after the finale of season 3 where my (SPOILER ALERT!!!!) darling Mathew Crawley dies moments after he and Lady Mary Crawley have their first baby!  (To the writers of Downton Abby, shame on you!  Rude! That's all I have to say about you people) In utter shock and disaray, with tears in my eyes I stumbled out into the living room to share the shocking news with Jeff, only to find Jeff with misty eyes watching the ending of The Pursuit of Happiness.  (To all you men out there just waiting to pounce on my husband for having emotions, zip it, man up and acknowledge you occassionaly have them too unless you're a heartless bloak completely out of touch with the real world.) 

I sat and watched the ending of The Pursuit of Happiness with Jeff which just made me cry more.  After the movie he said throughout the movie he went into G's room a couple of times and snuck some kisses and hugs to G cause he was so thankful for our lives and G, and I then proceeded to explain to Jeff how devastating losing Mathew was to Downton, and more importantly how it impacted me...and it was then in mid story when I realized and actually said aloud "wait a minute, I'm so pregnant, and this pregnant lady is rubbing off on you!"  After which we both just started laughing, acknowledging that our emotions might be heightened and we were most definitely pregnant :)  (I hold true to the statement that I have "not had any crazy mood swings")

I'm not kidding the very next morning I woke up and I felt the hard little tummy pouch!  Up until then it still just felt and looked like the ever so hated chub stage of pregnancy!  It was like we had to acknowledge we were pregnant or something before the little pouch showed up :)  

It was also in week 18 that Gentry flung himself on the floor before school frantickly trying to put his belt on all while crying "my arms don't work, they can't put my belt on, I can't go to school without a belt"...I'm gonna chalk that off to pregnancy hormones too...certainly not a bratty 8 year old fit from a boy who went surfing at 5:30 am the day before with his dad and was ridiculously tired...yes most definitly pregnancy hormones.  

At 15 weeks the most important question...which board will baby choose?  Skate or Surf?

20 weeks and the keyboard is in plain view, but I fear it will slowly be disapearing over the next couple of months :)

Those homemade granola bars look amazing to momma and baby!

A Thoughtful Valentine

Hi everyone,

This is Jeff back for another guest blog post.  It is Valentines Day after all!  I have been feeling lately that I haven't been doing a good job of letting Ashlie know how much I appreciate her for all that she is.  Basically I do a great job of telling her how beautiful she is but she means so much more to me.  So this Valentines Day I want to tell her that in a poem I call:


"A Thoughtful Valentine"

Of all of the thoughts in all of the world

It's yours that really matter

On love and life and family strife

And pressure on your bladder (you're pregnant)

God knows the thoughts inside my head

could use some organization

This is why He planned for "us"

From the beginning of creation

In business, friendship and politics

I could always use advice

For parenting and husbandry

I could even use it twice

Of all the thoughts in all the world

Who's thoughts should I adore?

It's yours! It's yours! let the whole world know!

Me gustan, mi Amor

The first day of 2nd grade!

Friday was Gentry's 1st day of 2nd grade at Las Nubes!  The school year here goes from early February to early December.  As you recall, G was not a huge fan of his first year at Las Nubes for the simple fact half the time he was lost in translation trying to catch up and learn Spanish!  After we finished last year on a high note G was relatively excited (by that I just mean he only had one crying meltdown before school started).  

**Back story:  The first day of school for us, is historically, not the greatest experience.  When G started kindergarten we were "that family."  It was nothing short of embarrassing and seriously to this day I couldn't care less cause I was dying!!  I thought I was fine until we started driving towards the school and quietly tears just started to roll down my face all the way to the school.  They didn't stop there, and of course G was not excited so seeing his mom crying gave him every right in the world to bust out in a full blown meltdown.  Jeff pryed him off my leg and walked him over to the line with all the other tiny kindergartners as I stood there unable to stop the tears from flowing.  I seriously felt like a piece of my heart was being crushed.  Jeff kept elbowing me telling me I'm making him more upset, which I know is true but I couldn't walk away until he went in.  His sweet teacher Mrs. Moll came over and took him by the hand to walk him in, and he followed her but kept looking over his shoulder crying and waving...talk about heartbreaking!!  Jeff took me out for coffee which I don't even like coffee but I needed something strong!!  It was so hard for me to watch my little man, my buddy, my sweet boy, take his first big step of growing up.  For the FIRST time since we had G I thought I wanted to do this again, because man has this been so fun and such a blessing to my life, how could we only do this once??  

First grade, first day proved to be a little better, at least for G.  He knew his friends were going to be there, was semi-excited and right when we dropped him off his little eyes filled with tears and he gave me a big hug and told me to meet him right by this tree outside the door after school.  He kept turning around and waving much like he did in kindergarten but the tears never spilled over, as he was bravely holding them in.  I held my tears in until we got in the car and Jeff patted my back as I balled my eyes out, running through the same thought process as every mom goes through about "how he's growing up so fast, before we know it he will be leaving for college"  Again it took me a bit to get myself together and Jeff sweetly let me cry it out and by the time I picked him up at "the tree" after school we were both all smiles. **

Fast forward to this year!

Friday morning we went to wake G up for school only to find him laying in bed with tears in his eyes!!!  NOOOOOOO!!  We were so ready for this day, you picked out all those cool skateboarding and surf notebooks with stickers, you were excited you already knew your teacher, you know enough Spanish to survive and make this a much easier on you, new shoes, your buddy Alfonso is in your class, seriously what I am missing here???????  Jeff and I both turned into cartoon characters who's sole purpose in life was to dry those sweet tears and put a smile on his cute little face before dropping him off at his first day of school!  We pulled out all the tricks we had, favorite breakfast french toast...check, two big smiles and nothing but happy thoughts and words...check, a Billy Madison you tube video of back to school...check, tap dancing across the floor to make him laugh...check.  We literally pulled out every trick in the book to get rid of those tears and it worked!  By the time we were ready to leave for school he was smiling and laughing at the fact Billy Madison had to go to school when he was an adult and sang really funny songs!  SCORE!!!

It was pretty smooth sailing from there on out...at least for G :)  We dropped him off stood with his class for a little bit and talked to his teacher (whom we love!) and waited until they started going into leave.  I held my tears in until he walked away and then we had to scoot so I could have my yearly mom meltdown.  We drove home in silence and again Jeff patted my back and just let me cry.  When we got home I needed a little more time to cry and go through "he's growing up so fast, before we know it he will be going to college" thought process...and then I pulled it together and couldn't wait to pick him up and hear all about 2nd grade :)  Most important we all survived and G is feeling much better about 2nd grade!  Can't complain and just have to give myself grace and know that watching your kids grow up takes wisdom and patience from God, some tears, and occasionally you tube clips of Billy Madison :)  Here's to 2nd grade!

Thank you Billy Madison for helping us smile on the first day of school!

We even got him to brush his teeth...what else could we ask for?

I still get to walk him up to school, thank goodness, that will really be a rough day for this mom!

Gentry's 2nd grade class

Teacher Lauren with her class!  We are so thankful for her and excited for G to have her this year!

First day of 2nd grade family photo

They started heading in, and my eyes started to fill with tears...here's to another year of you growing up and another year for us to love every minute we have with you sweet boy!  Love you all the way to heaven :)