Tears of Life

Tonight I was blind sided with the pain that life brings unexpectedly sometimes.  

Gentry brought a book for me to read to him before bed.  It was the book that Jeff and I had made for him last summer when we found out we were pregnant with our 2nd baby.  We knew our little only child would take the news hard because since he could understand the concept of siblings he has adamantly insisted and reassured us that he NEVER wants one, and instead would like a puppy :)  We made him a book with all of our favorite pictures memories and stories and broke the news to him through the book.  He loved the book until we got to the page that said "Your going to be a big brother!!!"  We waited for his reaction and you could tell the wheels were turning as he was trying to figure out exactly what we meant by that.  I went on to read the page where we talked about what a great big brother he would be at which point I glanced over and the sweetest little tears were silently rolling down his cheeks.  In a very quiet voice he said "No, no, no, I'm just not ready for this"  Tears continued to roll down his cheeks as he sat there quietly.  I put down the book and held him as he softly cried and explained how scared he was to have a sibling because we "will think the baby is cuter than him" and "we won't have enough time to just spend with me anymore".  His fears rolled out as quickly as his tears did.  It was a sweet time to hear what his little heart was feeling.  I think oftentimes as parents we quickly dismiss kids reactions to life's circumstances because we don't want to take the time to really hear them, and instead jump to teaching them a lesson without even understanding where they are coming from. We are to busy to sit and let our kids be kids.  Or sometimes we forget that they are children that process, understand, and comprehend life without the the knowledge that comes with growing up.  What I meant to say when I wrote we parents was I.  How could my sweet 6 year old only child even begin to comprehend that having a sibling would actually be a great adventure??  If I was in shoes, I would think the same thing!!      His response was sweet not demanding, it was like his little heart was broken not angry, and I loved being able to hold him as his naive tears rolled down his cheeks and he talked about all his fears.  As a mom (and a counselor) any opportunity to hear what is on your child's heart is truly a blessing.  I pray for more sweet times like this as Gentry grows up.

I love that Jeff captured this moment.  I will forever cherish the times you share your heart with me G, even if it's hard to hear.

Sadly that night after we told Gentry our exciting news.  I started to have a miscarriage.  As any mom who has been in my shoes knows, it's just a flood of emotions.  Mostly I just felt so disappointed.  If you know how hard it is for me to make decisions at the grocery store then you will understand how hard it was for me to actually decide to have another baby.  With Gentry, there was no discussion, God just blessed us with him, but with the second one we had to decide when the time was right, if it would ever be right.  For so long I wasn't sure I even wanted another kid, and it just never was right.  I wanted to finish undergrad, get my masters in counseling, run a marathon, be in one of my best friends wedding, get a job I love, time it where I had a baby in the fall, and on and on.  There was always something.  I can't tell you the hundreds of times people have asked me, "when are you going to have another baby?"  The truth is if God wanted me to have another, I would have had another.  I have less control than I like to think I do.

We took this picture the weekend before we told Gentry we were pregnant.  We went to see Zac Brown Band in Wyoming with our best buds Nikki and Adam.  It was such a fun trip,  I remember Jeff jokingly saying how I was already glowing.  Funny how those little memories stick with you and strike an emotional cord when you are reminded of them.

I was sad and instantly began to question the timing of having another baby or if we should.  It felt like I had taken the scary leap that I had been contemplating for so many years, only to hit a brick wall head on.  At the time, I didn't completely fall apart.  Life had to go on.  Other women deal with the same  disappointment every day.  Not many people knew since I was only 8 weeks along, so it just felt like we could be sad for a little bit and then we needed to go on.  We also had to explain to Gentry which was sad and also sweet.  His exact words were "Oh...well that's really sad! Hmm...I guess that baby just didn't want to come out of your stomach and wanted to go to Heaven instead.  Well I guess we better not have another one, I don't think any of us are ready!"  :)

A couple of weeks ago, I again turned up pregnant after much consideration over the last 7 months :)  Although shortly after finding out I again miscarried.  It was right as Jeff's grandpa died and he was leaving for the States, so again it kinda just felt like life had to go on.  I wasn't as far along as last time and again I went through my mental checklist of realities: many women have been here and dealt with the same pain, it's not God's timing, it's better since something was wrong with the baby, blah blah blah, yada yada yada.  There was no one to tell since we hadn't told anyone yet, so no damage control on that end.  In all reality I felt like I did a pretty good job handling it and not making it a big deal since Jeff needed to be with his family and the timing just simply sucked.  At the end of the day there truly is nothing I can do.

Fast forward back to me reading the book to G tonight.  As I read the book.  I was of course reminded of how excited I was to tell G he was going to be a big brother.  I was reminded of the pure joy that raising Gentry has brought to my life.  I was reminded of all the reasons why I absolutely love being a mom.  The pictures of G growing up brought tears to my eyes, and the joy I could hear in my own writing the book to him reminded me of how excited I was to do this whole thing over again.  I was reminded that I would have a new born baby right now, or be about 7 weeks pregnant again.  I was reminded of how much I adore Gentry.  I love him, I love this, I love being a mom.  My walk down memory lane was interrupted as I heard a little sniffle coming from G.  When I looked over he was facing away from me leaning on Molly and it was fairly obvious he was crying.  Just as I had the first time I read him the book, I again stopped just after I read the part "Your going to be a big brother!!!"  and asked him to come and sit with me and tell me what's wrong.

At first he assured Jeff and I that when Molly licked his hand, it just tickled him which made him cry.  For some odd reason we didn't believe him :)  Eventually we got him to open up and although he had calmed his tears while trying to explain them away, they quickly came back rolling down his cheeks.  He said "It's just sad when someone dies.  It's sad that the baby died in your tummy, it's sad that Little Swanie died, it's just really sad.  I'm not saying I think we should have a baby but I feel really sad that the baby died and that people die sometimes"  As much memories as the book flooded my mind with, it obviously had flooded his memory also, coupled with the fact that Little Swanie just passed away.  I was taken back and a little shocked at his response.  I wasn't expecting that from him, and it struck the mom nerve in me that I have been so good at masking surrounding the whole issue of having more kids.  Thankfully Jeff took over, cause after Gentry started sharing what he was feeling, the steady stream of tears flowed from my eyes regardless of how hard I tried to put on a brave face.  Both boys were sweet.  G cuddled up and continued to talk and Jeff rubbed my back.  Eventually Jeff took G and put him to bed, as I sat on the couch and just let the tears fall in silence.

At this point I don't feel the need to rehash everything.  I don't feel discouraged like I will never have another biological kid, I just feel sad and disappointed.  I feel like being Gentry's mom has been one of the greatest adventures of my life, and I would love to do it all over again.  I also feel blessed.  How great that I have you Gentry, how sweet our journey has been together, and man I just love you sweet boy.  I will never feel cheated from getting to be a mom, because I have you, and yet I would welcome the opportunity to do it all again, because I have you.  It's just one of those things in life I have no control over and may never quite understand.  I feel a peace about where we are and what God is doing.  I love our life in Costa Rica, I love that He has set before me an opportunity to work with a cause that I have always been passionate about, I love that I'm learning to surf, and I truly love my life.  Maybe someday I will get to love a new little one too!  Until then I might cry more tears of life, but in between the tears will find peace in the fact God has blessed me with an amazing life, more specifically an amazing kiddo.

I feel so blessed that you call me mom and/or madre :)

Favorite Conversation of the Day

I think moving to Costa Rica has heightened some inner creativity and adventurous spirit in Gentry.  Even just the little bit we have been here, he is so interested in seeing more and learning more about different places, things, and people and every once in a while will ask "when are we going to go visit a new country?"  Which is great because the child was not so enthusiastic when we left!  I have a trip planned to Nicaragua with some ladies at the beginning of April to visit some Safe Houses and go to a training on sex trafficking, and Gentry has said numerous times "That's not fair that you get to visit Nicaragua and I just have to stay home in Costa Rica.  (Ya we all feel really sorry for you G, said in the most sarcastic tone possible)  We have been learning about Panama since we will visit there later this year, and have just started reading about the Mayan's and Aztecs which originated in Central America.    

It's so fun to learn about although I think in Gentry's mind there is so much to do in so little time, at least that's what this conversation made me think, along with the fact he feels a need to be adventurous with his best buds :)

G: "Mom I just don't think I can ever get married."

Me: "Why's that?"

G: "Well if I get a wife, I got to work, and have kids, and all that stuff you gotta do when you get married.  I'm just not ready for all that.  I mean I wanna live with Wyatt for like a long time.  We are gonna be roommates when we go to college and we are just gonna wanna do all kinds of crazy stuff you know, like stuff that if I had a wife she wouldn't like at all, and I don't think I can live with Wyatt if I get a wife"  

I was about to chime in when he continued on his monologue.  

G: "Actually me, Wyatt, and Asher are gonna live together and we will probably just go on a new adventure everyday.  Like one day we might just wake up and be like hey lets go surfing, so we will go surfing.  Then the next day we might be like hey lets go climb some mountains or something, and then next day we might just want to go visit China or something, I don't think a girl is gonna wanna go on an adventure everyday like that."

Me: "I think those are good plans and it sounds really fun.  I also know that there might be girls out there who like adventures just like you do.  (Before I could get another word out)

G: "Ya but it's not the same.  I mean like Wyatt and Asher and me are all really fun and would just like be laughing the whole time and and...I just kinda want to have fun with my best friends before I have to have kids and like work and be all responsible...you know what I mean?  

Me: "I totally know what you mean, and I think that's a good plan.  And your right when you get married and have kids you definitely have to be more responsible and work." :)

G:  "Ya I know, and I mean I think kids are fun and all cause you and dad think I'm really fun and like really love me and all, but I'm just not ready for that kind of responsibility"

Dear Gentry in 10 years,

I will remind you of this conversation when you are all googly eyed in love with some cute little high school senior girl.  Remember these are your thoughts not mine and dad's. You are a very insightful adventurous soul that wants to live life just a little bit before you settle down with your high school sweetheart.  There is a season for everything and right now is your time to go explore the world, find out who you are, and enjoy your best buds as you all go on adventures everyday.  In a couple of years you will be much more ready to settle down with your sweetie and be a responsible husband and dad.  It is then that you will begin the greatest season of your life, until then live it up and be the adventurous boy you have always been.  

Love,

Your mom (who met her sweetheart at the age of 17 and was married by 19, but thats beside the point because we are talking about you not us and it's really not statistically in your favor to get married that young although after almost 10 years of marriage I love your dad and his baby blue eyes more than the day we got married, and we grew up together and created our own adventures together married and with a sweet little blonde boy in tow and given the chance would do it all again.  Never mind any of that though these are different times and we want you to do as we say not as we did :))

-That's going to be a fun conversation some day right???????

Grandpa Swanson aka "Little Swanie"

Last Saturday we got home from the beach and had received an email from Jeff's dad saying that Grandpa Swanson or as Gentry called him "Little Swanie" had passed away.  We were of course so sad and instantly filled with the desire to be closer to those we love.  I'm convinced no matter how much time you spend with someone or how great your relationship is with someone, when they pass away you can't help but let your mind go through the film real of how you wish you would have spent a little more time with them, said I love you just a couple more times, or listened to their stories just a few more times.  

After looking at tickets, trying to juggle schedules, and all that comes with traveling out of the country with a family, ultimately it made the most sense for Jeff to go without G and I.  I was so sad to not be there to see Gramish and give her hug and just tell her I love her.  I'm so sad to never hug little swanie here on this earth again, yet I find peace in remembering his long life lived well with a beautiful life long partner and knowing he now sits in Heaven watching over all of us that he loved on earth.  I'm also sad that sweet Gram's life will be so significantly different from here on out.  With that said she is a strong amazing woman with a family that loves her so I know she will carry on, it will just be without her partner in crime, the one she has loved for so many years.  We love you so much Gram and will be praying for you in the weeks, months, and years to come.  Can't wait to see you and hug your neck!

Before Jeff left for the California, Gentry drew Gram a picture.  When he told me what he wanted to draw, I tried my hardest to redirect his artist ability.  He said he wanted to draw Little Swanie's grave with Gram and Jeff standing around it.  For some reason it seemed a little inappropriate and I encouraged him to draw something more encouraging like Heaven or something that Little Swanie or Gram liked,  but if you know my son and you know the mind of a true artist you know that when his mind is made up, it's a done deal.  Below is the picture he drew, and after all was said and done, it was probably one of the sweetest gestures he could have given to Gram.  

The words say:

"I am really sad I will miss little swanie I am so happy he is in Heaven" 

His gravestone reads: "Boyd  See you in Heaven"

The picture is also sweet it's of Gram and Jeff at Little Swanie's grave.  Jeff is wearing a vest with some sort of superhero shirt on and looks a bit like a robber :)  This might be one of my favorite pictures he has ever drawn.  Maybe I need to start trusting his sweet compassionate heart and artistic ability just a little more.  

Jeff left Thursday and will be back Tuesday.  We are surviving without him but of course Gentry got really sick the night Jeff left.  He broke out in this weird rash, running fever, and got an ear infection!  Awesome being that I don't even know where the Dr's office is, have a car to drive my sweet boy, or understand a word that they would tell me anyways!  Luckily we have already made some great friends down here who know the ropes and said to call them anytime of the night or day and they would come pick me and G up.  She also took me to see a retired Dr. that lives down here and owns a couple of properties now.  She looked him over and said he most likely got a weird virus from the red tide that recently came through Jaco.  Her recommendation...absolutely no swimming in the ocean or swimming pool until Monday.  You might as well have told G his arm had to be amputated for 2 days, it was pretty brutal.  At the same time I loved that we actually had some down time.  There is so much to do here, and Jeff and Gentry literally feel like their life isn't complete without a daily dose of surfing so I seriously can't even remember the last day we didn't go to the beach.  G and I stayed home, watched movies, walked down to a local art fair going on, and took it easy all weekend.  It was a blessing for both of us.  

Little Swanie's memorial service is today and I'm sure it will be a sweet celebration of a great man.   We will remember the great memories we have with him, and think of sweet Gram from afar.

Gramish and Little Swanie got to be there Gentry's first week of kindergarten and watch him get on the bus and all that fun school stuff.  What a blessing Gentry got to have his great grandparents there when he started school!

Jeff and Little Swanie shared a special connection because they both served overseas in the military.  Jeff loved hearing grandpa tell his war stories, and equally grandpa loved hearing Jeff's war stories.  

Probably one of my favorite pictures of all time.  Little Swanie was actually the name that grandpa and grandma called Gentry, but it got a little mixed up in Gentry's mind and he thought that grandpa was little swanie :)  So grandpa has been Little Swanie for the last couple of years, what a sweet name for your great grandpa, even if it was meant for you :)

It's all fun and games until someone get's peed on: Testosterone at it's very worst!

Last Sunday we had a party on the beach with some peeps from church.  It's was probably one of the funnest (I know funnest isn't a real word but I like it and it makes sense it my mind so all of you grammer gurus let well enough alone) day we have had since we moved here.  There were 15 boys ranging in ages from infant to 12, although the majority of the bunch was in the 5-9 range.  There were 3 girls as best I could count...it was hard to tell though between all the sand that was being thrown, water being splashed, and screams.  The moms stood close to the water fetching kids as they went out to far, shielded infants from sand being thrown, and talked in between.  The dads...well they were out surfing of course! Occasionally a dad would drift inland to see if there were any cold drinks close by but then would quickly retreat back to the waves.  Towards the end the whole heard of dads actually graced land and began a game of ultimate frisbee.  

It was so fun watching the kids run around like crazy little tyrants, digging huge sand forts, boogie boarding, chasing each other with sand clots and pegging each other in the back (says the mom of a boy).  They really had a great time and even though us moms didn't spend hours surfing we had a great time hanging out appreciating all the testosterone that was in the air around us...that was until a felt a warm trickle down my leg...and I wasn't near the water.

I turned quickly around to see a huge great dane hiking his leg and taking a leak on my really cute Old Navy sun dress and all down my leg...uh huh, ya that just happened.  

TIME OUT: 

Dear Great Dane,
Do you know who you just peed on?  You peed on a ranch girl that has castrated more lambs and calves than you have ever seen in your life.  Did you know that in the blink of an eye I could put a little green rubber band on you and significantly change your life forever, or hand me a pocket knife and I can do it much quicker though it will definitely be messier.  I have no problem taking your so high and mighty manhood away.  You are very lucky that all my friendly church peeps were around or else you might be reading a very different blog letter right now.  Be warned fat head if I ever catch you peeing on some on the beach again, your lazy owner will not be able to find you a few short minutes, but when you do appear again you will yelping and limping all the way home.

Love,

The Sweet Cute Country Girl that you peed on on the beach

Of course I screamed a girlish scream and shooed him away but then had to face the attention that I had brought to myself.  Laughing it off with that nervous laugh that seems like your fine and think it's funny but really your pissed and about to scream, you know that one right?  So I started to walk over to the water to wash off although seriously that was not going to make things fine and dandy in my book.  

As I was walking into the water I was greeted by a tall goofing looking bloke who said "You should be glad you weren't sitting down or else he would have peed on your head"  He then proceeded to walk off in laughter without even an apology!

TIME OUT:

Dear Tall Goofy Looking Jerk Face who has an awful dog,

I'm sorry what did you just say?  Did you seriously just through your laughter make a joke about your dog peeing on my head after he peed on my cute dress in front of all my friends without apologizing at all?  What spankin planet are you from son?  Obviously not a mannerly or manly one!  If you think for one minute that it's okay that you joke about your dog peeing on me without even offering an apology, you seriously have another thing coming.  Poor child let me enlighten you on a little secret, you will walk away and forget my face because I am just one of the many cute girls that your big dumb dog has peed on judging from the response you gave.  In fact I'm not memorable at all since your dog didn't pee on my head like he obviously has to other people or else you wouldn't have mentioned it.  You will go on about your life in  Jaco with your untrained dog and forget I ever existed.  I however will never forget your goofy face or your big dog or the house I watched you walk into on the beach.  Wouldn't it be a shame if someone who actually picks up their dogs poop here in town saved it for a special occasion and sent it flying in it's all glory to land on your front porch in a huge flaming bag?  And then when you were left cleaning up the yucky mess said, "well at least it didn't land in your face!" Ya that would be so sad wouldn't!  Be warned goof for I know where you live! 

Love,

The Girl who knows where you live, but you can remember her face

I as gracefully as possible tried to play it cool and pretend that I wasn't thinking about that big ugly dog that peed on me, but inside I was screaming!!! Ahhhhhhhh!  My thoughts about testosterone had shifted from the appreciation of sand fights, to the thoughts of castrating every male dog in sight. (Don't worry I'm not really that crazy but seriously who is excited about being peed on by a dog, obviously not me)

Any-hoo I left the party a little early cause I was having dinner with a friend and left the boys to enjoy their testosterone filled beach, cause I for one had enough of it for one day!  Obviously I showered and scrubbed the skin off the back of my legs to make sure all the nasty pee was off, got ready, and headed out for some much needed girl time!  It was so great hanging with Courtney we needed to catch up!  We spent a couple of hours at dinner and then went to get ice cream.  Ahhh the healing powers of estrogen.  There's just nothing like it!  

By the time I was headed home it was pretty late, close to to 10.  Which is really not a good idea and trust me it won't happen again!  I was also on foot cause Jeff had el pato rosa since his bike is broken at the moment.  I wasn't to far from home in fact I was only about a 5-8 min walk, but I became very aware of my surroundings and fear started to sink in.  Up ahead I saw this young 20ish punk looking kid walking down the stairs of shopping center I had to walk by.  I had an immediate gut reaction to him as I walked closer.  I'm going to go ahead and thank God for some discernment right there!  As I got closer I started playing over in my mind all the things your supposed to do to keep from being an easy target.  Be aware-check, walk briskly and assertively-check (I have never walked so assertively in my life!), get your weapon out-wawa I had nothing but my feet, well and my trusty old biceps but in all honesty the dude was pretty big.  As I walked closer there was another guy walking his little fluffy shit-tzu which I figured he was definitely a better bet to walk by.  I was right dude with the shit-tzu smiled and walk by.  Unfortunately dirt bag started walking behind my as I passed.  I knew immediately he was a scum bag at least that's the G rated name I would call him.  He crossed over to the side of the street I was on, which before he knew it I passed over to the other side.  I looked back a couple of times to let him know I was aware of his awful presence and walked faster than those Olympic walkers!  He again crossed over to the side of the street I was on and I could hear his footsteps.  He started saying stupid things and making kissing noises.  Weird right?  As if I'm a dog and will turn around and run to him wagging my tail the whole way??  I started to jog and could see a group of 3 guys up ahead that I wanted to get to.  The punk kept yelling at me and was still following me.  I looked back a couple of times to see where he was and truly he stayed pretty close behind.  I don't know what he was yelling cause it was in Spanish and I was focused on getting home but it was obvious he was probably saying weird not very nice gross things to me by the tone of his voice and the noises he was making.  I made it pretty quickly to the group of guys that was up ahead and turned around to see what he did.  He stopped for a minute but kept yelling, at which point I was about 4 houses away from home and turned and sprinted home.  

All joking put aside, I was completely freaked out.  I felt so vulnerable, helpless, and scared.  I truly believe if I wouldn't have gotten that gut feeling when I saw him my story could be very different.  I ran up the stairs, busted through the bedroom door and just started crying.  Jeff of course felt horrible and wanted to run out and pounce the dude.  It was so upsetting.  I couldn't sleep that night, I kept thinking what if?  I replayed the scenario over and over in my mind and am so beyond thankful I am a bit of a hawk when it comes to scoping out pathetic excuses for men.  Work in domestic violence will give you this radar that literally screams when something is just a little off, not to mention God's built in discernment.  I'm thankful for both.

My day started out with the purest form of testosterone.  Boys at play.  The testosterone slowly began to deteriorate in value when a grown man couldn't even apologize for his dog peeing one me, and my day ended with the most pathetic form of testosterone as a young man tried to intimidate me and possibly hurt me simply because I am a woman.  It made me wonder, what happens in those years between boys at play and men who prey?  It's sad, it's discouraging, and quite simply evil at times.  

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a man-hater, I have the privilege of personally knowing some of the greatest men to grace this earth.  My husband, my dad, my brother, good friends, I mean I could name a list as long as the eye could see with great men I know, but the reality is I am a woman, and that simple fact makes me vulnerable to the men of this world, specifically the evil men of this world.  

In the days after the incident I found myself being afraid and discouraged that I had to be so aware of every thing around me.  At the same time I started to be encouraged about the fact I have a son.  I have a great son.  A great son who has a great example for a father.  A son that compassionately loves his family and friends, is sensitive, brave, courageous, and full of testosterone.  I have the chance to love him, teach him, and guide him so someday he puts all that crazy testosterone towards something great, towards someone great.

I might not be able to rid the world of evil men, but I can certainly populate the world with a good one. So here's to all my fellow mom's of boys:
May we populate the world with men who use their testosterone for good and not evil!  May they help, not hurt; love not hate; choose humility over pridefulness; and someday give their own kids a great example to continue the cycle.  Being the mom of a boy is a hefty one especially living in this day and age!  

"I hope she doesn't turn pink!"

From the day we got our sweet little Molly Paws, we have loved her little blonde curls!  She is so fluffy and soft!  As all of us girls know, the beach life takes a toll on luscious blonde curls no matter how much grooming you do.  We take MP to the beach every afternoon and let her run around like a crazy pants.  She frolics in the ocean and then rolls in the sand...literally rolls in the sand.  She goes from a fluffy white fur ball, to a skinny black sand soaked rat in a matter of minutes.  She LOVES the beach.  

You can imagine how awesome it is washing her out every night, and the amount of excess sand she brings into the house!!  It's also so humid here those cute locks hold in moisture for far to long, and we have been told ticks are a HUGE problem so her curls will also hold in ticks too!  Yikes!!! So we decided to take the plunge and give Miss Molly Paws a hair cut hair buzz :)

Gentry was very concerned about cutting her cute curls and numerous times asked us not to cut her hair cause "she is just so cute"  I imagine he felt a little like I felt when he got his first hair cut and they cut those sweet baby curls off.  He didn't want to leave her at the Vet (who also does grooming and boarding, and sells machetes)  He kept asking to go back and check on her and the funniest thing he kept saying over and over was "Oh I  just don't want her to be pink"  He even told the Vet before we left "Your not gonna shave her until she's pink right?"  Then the Vet started and before we walked out G said again "Remember not pink"  For the life of me I couldn't figure out exactly what he was meaning.  When I asked him he acted as if I should know what he was talking about "Mom you know when people shave dogs and then they are just pink, I really don't want her to be all pink like that"

It wasn't until we went back to pick her up that I finally realized what he was talking about.  As soon as I saw her, I could not contain my laughter.  She didn't actually look pink but I knew exactly what he was afraid of, and she came pretty close to what cartoon animals look like when they are shaved :)

When I realized what a haircut meant in his mind, I completely understood why he was so concerned.  In all cartoons if an animal ever looses their hair, they really are pink!  Just like poor George from Monsters Inc.  To G's relief she wasn't pink, but looked completely different!

The combination of realizing why Gentry was so concerned with her hair cut to begin with, coupled with the fact MP came pretty close to that pink line, literally sent me over the edge in laughter in the middle of trying to pick her up from the Vet.  Gentry had MP on the leash while she frantically jumping and sniffing around cause she was so excited to see us, Jeff was trying to calm Molly down so she wouldn't knock everything in the store down while asking about the vaccinations she got and was hoping I would pay and check us out, but I was absolutely no help because I could not quit laughing.  (Side note, I have this problem when I think things are really funny, I really can't hold it in, I can't talk, I can't fake it until it's appropriate to laugh, I am literally captive to my laughter for however long it takes until to get it all out, and even then there are aftershocks that occasionally take over me.  I don't even fight it anymore, I just allow people to think I'm the crazy girl, because when something is funny, it's just funny in my book.  It's been an issue my whole life, all through school, even in Grad school, church, work meetings, dates with Jeff, dinners out with friends, a funeral (yes I said a funeral which is not a laughing matter but the sweet little old ladys grumbling stomach next to me was too much for me and my cousin to handle as young teens), and now the Vet office.  Thanks mom for the gift of laughter)  Jeff paid, wrangled Molly and he and G headed out the door of the office.  I was close behind them although I was hunched over laughing uncontrollably.  I'm sure the Vet and the couple of people that were in there thought I was nuts!

As we walked home, I was crying I was laughing so hard.  Jeff was probably a little annoyed I was no help, G kept asking what was so funny, and Molly Paws was just wagging that skinny little tail that was almost pink but not quite :)  Don't get me wrong she looks cute, but instead of a cute fluffy puppy, she kinda looks like a tall skinny rat, I don't think any of us realized how much fluff she had until it was all gone and she was almost pink.

I can send myself into a fit of laughter even still when I think about it, in fact I'm laughing out loud right now!  Oh my goodness there is just nothing better than a good laugh, even if your on your own.  Laugh hard, laugh often, laugh even if your the only one laughing!

Molly keeping watch with all her curls in tow!

I don't know when dogs out grow chasing their tail, but this is about a month and a half ago and she is still chasing that tail :)

Molly in all her glorious lioness fluff :)

Even soaking wet carrying a coconut, she had a little fluff to her.

That is what our puppy used to look like....now look at this skinny non-fluffy lanky pup!  

She looks so different!


Molly makes chasing coconuts look so fun, even the kids want to join in :)

 Molly is obsessed with fetching coconuts!  It's quite hilarious although not as hilarious as her pink hair cut :)  This is a river close by and she will swim around chasing the coconut for as long as it takes.  Good think she is a great swimmer :)

Don't let the beach bums and surfers fool you....Molly Paws  is the Queen of Jaco beach...She rules this beach!

Our skinny puppy with no curls!

Favorite Conversation of the Day!

Back in the day when I first started blogging I would occasionally write a blog called favorite conversation of the day which highlighted some of Gentry's cute/funny comments, stories, and behaviors.  I haven't written one in a while so I figured I better write down some of the things he has said since we moved here.

**After a conversation at the Vet with a guy who was talking about his "fiesty" little male dog who needed to get fixed (my weird dude radar was off the charts), 

Gentry said:

"That guy was weird. Well Molly can't have puppies cause she's a baby dog and she isn't even married.   Dogs don't get married (laughing), I guess dogs (his voice started trailing off cause he was really thinking through the subject) just somehow have puppies...hmmm that's odd how do dogs have puppies?"

**After seeing a 20 something dedicated surfer literally drop his pants bending over right in front of us to put on his swim suit. (Really?? You couldn't change at your house or in your car?  It's really that big of an emergency to change in front of small children???  Really??)

Gentry:

"I can't believe that guy just got naked right there, he is a horrible example for little boys my age.  You can't just take off your clothes wherever when people are right there looking!! (His hands flew up in the air)  That's just ridiculous! (Yes it is son, live by those words and you will go far in life)

**"I think that dog might be poor.  He doesn't look like he has a home.  I guess I don't really know if he's poor, only God knows, but he sure looks like he needs a bone. "

**Picking up a machete for sale at the Vet (I have know idea why they are sold there, but they are)

"Dad we totally need this machevy!" 

**If you are easily embarrassed (I'm apologizing in advance to my mom, because she occasionally gets embarrassed of what I write on my blog :)  Sorry mom, blame dad, I get my story telling ability from him, it's definitely all his fault) skip this next one, but if you are the mom of a boy, you might enjoy :)

We are at the beach on a hot Sunday afternoon...Gentry, after being told that this could happen by his friend who is a couple of years older and has a scary story about EVERYTHING cause he is slightly afraid of everything, starts screaming with real fear, and running away from the water, back up the wet part of the sand tiptoeing around the little black worm trails to the dry sand where I am:

"Ahhhh I don't want those little worms to crawl inside my big guy!!" (Big guy is another term for his man parts because at a very young age while I was having lunch with a friend, he screamed "penis" over and over and I couldn't get him to stop in an Olive Garden.  This may have scared me for life regarding teaching your kids the anatomically correct names of body parts, even though I know it's the best thing for them.  The name originates from my wise uncle Dave who laughed uncontrollably when I told him the story of Olive Garden, and he jokingly said "just call it his big guy, no one will ever know what it is when he screams it in public"-and that's the rest of the story)

Me: (Trying not to bust out laughing) "What are you talking about"

Gentry: (Screaming and about to cry) "He said those little worms could crawl up in my big guy!! 

Me: (Turning to the boy) "I don't think that will really happen"

The Boy: "Yes it will, they are so tiny you wouldn't even know.  It really does happen, I promise"

Both boys were so sincere in their convictions fear about the "little worms" I really couldn't convince them otherwise.  So I reassured them if just ran really fast across the wet sand where the "worms" were they wouldn't get on them and they could still enjoy the ocean.  They went into the ocean to play and I sat on the beach all by myself laughing out loud at how funny the whole interaction was.  Even still he won't stand on the wet sand where those little worms are :)

**Ever since Gentry has been little.  He has pointed with his middle finger.  I'm not sure why, it's just a habit I guess.  Of course a couple of kids have pointed out that he uses the "bad finger" and he ignores them saying "that's stupid it's just the finger I point with".  I figure I will die on correcting the bad finger use for when he's older and is maybe using the gesture for more than pointing :) (Of course that will never happen cause my son is perfect...at least that's what all us parents say to make ourselves feel better about the mistakes our kiddos will inevitably make)

Wow G that is a really great drawing!! Or are you telling me to leave you alone when you draw?

"Randol get under my surf board we don't want any of those birds to poop on our heads"

Randol (our down stairs neighbor boy):  "Hey G do you want to play?"

Gentry: "Nah I'm settling down for the night, it's to close to bedtime and I need it to start being quiet around here.  Maybe tomorrow we can play" 

*Spoken like a little introvert learning to have boundaries!  I love it!  Wish I would have had boundaries like this when I was his age*

PO Box 221

After a couple of failed attempts at setting up an address down here.  We officially have an address so we can get mail!  Yay us!!  This was my third attempt at acquiring a PO Box at the post office which is on the other side of town.  It's not really that far, but inconvenient to walk with G that far.  The women who work there don't speak any English and we all know my level of Spanish, but I managed to get everything set up...at least let's hope so!

The front door of our enchanting little post office in Jaco!

The police station is right across the street.  My mail and I feel safer already!

The outside of the post office, again my mail never felt so safe.

The one desk work station at the post office.  Reminds me of the post office in Hope New Mexico where I grew up.  There were no blue bars on the front but it was a small little building with all of us country folks PO boxes lining the walls inside.  Something about the simpleness of the building makes me smile.

Ya buddy!  Box 221!  I hope they actually put a lock on it  before we start getting mail :)

Don't forget to write!

Our new Jaco address:

Ashlie Madlyn Swanson or Jeffrey Eric Swanson

PO Box 221-4023

Puntarenas-Garabito

Jaco-Costa Rica

61101

If you want to send Gentry something put mine or Jeff's name and you can put Gentry in parenthesis.  I'm not sure how finicky they are but I would hate for it to get lost because he isn't on our paperwork!  We really would love to hear from you the old fashion way!  

Adventures on a Bike

I am convinced that if God calls me home while I live in Costa Rica, it will not be because of an earthquake, a tsunami, a shark bite, malaria (or any mosquito carried disease for that matter), or being kid-napped by a band of evil misfits that wants to sell me on the black market as I had thought it would be before I moved here. It will be because I was peacefully riding my bike down the rode and one of those crazy honking drivers took me out!  

Riding a bike is the most dangerous thing you can do here, yet it's the most common thing you will see on the streets of Jaco.  You would be amazed at how talented these Costa Rican bicyclers are.  Bikers in the States are super lame compared to these Tico's.  In the States you deck yourself out in snazzy bike gear spending 100's if not 1000's of dollars on your bike and gear, while turning your nose up at us casual bike riders.  You ride in your packs of 6-12 riders taking up the whole road like you own the place, and park at the cool local "bike" hang out spot flaunting your not so cute spandex outfits (sorry if you think you look cool, somebody needed to tell you the truth) surrounding yourself with other people who also think their spandex outfits are super cute.  Unlike US riders, Tico bike riders, ride because that is their actual mode of transportation.  They wear normal clothes, buy used WWII era bikes that don't have all the expensive do-dad gears that basically allow you to exhale and the bike pedals itself.  Uncle Pete's got a watermelon on each knee and huge box full of groceries on the back, oh and there's a baby balancing on the front wheel guard another little tike sitting on the handlebars,  cousin Maria on the pegs, while her 4 year old nurses with no hands...no hands (thats succion!),  and (listen to this US riders) they actually follow the rules of the road. The Costan Rican rules of the road which are quite different than in the States, never the less they follow them!  Pablo does all the texting for the family, easy to do when he is sitting spider with Pete. They are real bike riders.

I didn't want to spend tons of money on our bikes, but was wanting to buy bikes from this little local bike shop that carried quality bikes.  Penny Pincher was hesitant to buy them from the local shop because bikes were sold at Maxi Palli (the local Wal-mart-ish store) for cheaper.  I look for quality over price, and PP looks for price over quality hands down every time, we are complete opposite!!  The good thing is, it really depends on the situation and I'm glad together we can be balanced.  Although for this scenario, sweet penny pincher Jeff should have listened to his wife's insight, especially since these bikes would be our main mode of transportation :)

We ended up buying the bikes from Maxi Palli.  From the get go it was...interesting.  The bikes didn't even have enough air in the tires to get home, and the store couldn't find an air pump that actually worked.  Really???  Then everything was so loose we had to get the manager to hunt down (only took about 30 minutes) a special tool to tighten all the bolts, including the handle bars that literally kept flopping around, the seat that wouldn't stay put, the chains that kept falling off...mind you this was all in the parking lot of Maxi Palli before we even left the store with our new bikes...awesome.  Anyways we finally get on our way with Gentry on the back of me cause we have had trouble finding a bike for his size.

On the way home I drove over a speed bump and knocked G a little off balance which sent the back of his heel into the spokes of my back tire...again awesome.  Thankfully he had on his nike's and the brunt  of the trauma damaged his shoes, or else we would have had a bloody mess on our hands!  He survived with minimal scratches on his heel and leg but refused to ride on either of our bikes after that.  Understandable.  In the days to come we watched our bikes fall further and further into disarray.  Jeff's chain fell off while he was riding to the beach, my chain fell off when Jeff borrowed my bike cause his wasn't working (maybe God is teaching Jeff to listen to his wife since all of the major mishaps happened while he was on the bikes going to surf), the handle bars went nuts again, the reflector lights fell off, the seats wouldn't stay still, and they make quite hilarious noises while riding.  We finally took the bikes in to a local bike shop and said "fix every single little thing that could even possibly, maybe, you have ever heard of going wrong on a bike" and for the most part they did, although they still make noises and the chain has fallen off Jeff's bike since then (there's your sign Jeff).  Overall they are better, but next time we will be investing in bikes that make our life easier, not more like a freakin cartoon!!

On days I get to ride my bike, (which isn't too often yet because we are still on the hunt for a bike for Gentry, and we are a little hesitant to take him on a bike because of the crazy driving and non-existent speed limits) I absolutely love it, except for the occasional brush with death from the honkers of Jaco.  It's one of the only times I actually feel cool.  As long as I am riding, I feel a cool breeze on face, wind blowing through my clothes, and a little bit like I rule the world :)  My utopia is occasionally interrupted because I hear ducks quacking...oh wait that's just the sound my bike makes, never mind back to my happy place.  The coolness of course comes to an abrupt stop the minute I slow down and let the humidity catch up with me, but for those brief minutes that I'm riding down the road on my bike, I feel like "I'm King of the World!!!" you know that Titanic kinda feeling.  I'm pretty sure one of the reasons my bike rides are so invigorating is because I'm always on my own when I'm on my bike.  G doesn't have one yet, so he and Jeff are at home if I'm on my bike.  I like the quietness.  I also like the feeling that I'm settling in enough to ride my bike around on my own.  It reminds me that this is my new home, I can run errands here just like back home, I know my way around town just like back home, and I feel secure enough in this new place to be out on my own without my body guard Jeff just like I did back home (except at night when the low lives of the world are out preying on women, can't wait to run one of them over with my bike, the last things those jerks will hear will be the sound of ducks, they will never know what hit them!)  :)  It's a good feeling when I am on bike!

Our bikes have baskets on the front which is ridiculously awesome, and I am on the hunt for a basket I can put on the back to be able to carry more from the grocery store.  I also imagine strapping Molly Paws to the back with a helmet and goggles just for the fun of it.  How awesome would that be!!!  All in all we are loving life on bikes, and not having a car is only mildy annoying at this point!

Meet El Pato Rosa (The Pink Duck).  She is pretty cute/fierce don't you think?