It's all fun and games until someone get's peed on: Testosterone at it's very worst!

Last Sunday we had a party on the beach with some peeps from church.  It's was probably one of the funnest (I know funnest isn't a real word but I like it and it makes sense it my mind so all of you grammer gurus let well enough alone) day we have had since we moved here.  There were 15 boys ranging in ages from infant to 12, although the majority of the bunch was in the 5-9 range.  There were 3 girls as best I could count...it was hard to tell though between all the sand that was being thrown, water being splashed, and screams.  The moms stood close to the water fetching kids as they went out to far, shielded infants from sand being thrown, and talked in between.  The dads...well they were out surfing of course! Occasionally a dad would drift inland to see if there were any cold drinks close by but then would quickly retreat back to the waves.  Towards the end the whole heard of dads actually graced land and began a game of ultimate frisbee.  

It was so fun watching the kids run around like crazy little tyrants, digging huge sand forts, boogie boarding, chasing each other with sand clots and pegging each other in the back (says the mom of a boy).  They really had a great time and even though us moms didn't spend hours surfing we had a great time hanging out appreciating all the testosterone that was in the air around us...that was until a felt a warm trickle down my leg...and I wasn't near the water.

I turned quickly around to see a huge great dane hiking his leg and taking a leak on my really cute Old Navy sun dress and all down my leg...uh huh, ya that just happened.  

TIME OUT: 

Dear Great Dane,
Do you know who you just peed on?  You peed on a ranch girl that has castrated more lambs and calves than you have ever seen in your life.  Did you know that in the blink of an eye I could put a little green rubber band on you and significantly change your life forever, or hand me a pocket knife and I can do it much quicker though it will definitely be messier.  I have no problem taking your so high and mighty manhood away.  You are very lucky that all my friendly church peeps were around or else you might be reading a very different blog letter right now.  Be warned fat head if I ever catch you peeing on some on the beach again, your lazy owner will not be able to find you a few short minutes, but when you do appear again you will yelping and limping all the way home.

Love,

The Sweet Cute Country Girl that you peed on on the beach

Of course I screamed a girlish scream and shooed him away but then had to face the attention that I had brought to myself.  Laughing it off with that nervous laugh that seems like your fine and think it's funny but really your pissed and about to scream, you know that one right?  So I started to walk over to the water to wash off although seriously that was not going to make things fine and dandy in my book.  

As I was walking into the water I was greeted by a tall goofing looking bloke who said "You should be glad you weren't sitting down or else he would have peed on your head"  He then proceeded to walk off in laughter without even an apology!

TIME OUT:

Dear Tall Goofy Looking Jerk Face who has an awful dog,

I'm sorry what did you just say?  Did you seriously just through your laughter make a joke about your dog peeing on my head after he peed on my cute dress in front of all my friends without apologizing at all?  What spankin planet are you from son?  Obviously not a mannerly or manly one!  If you think for one minute that it's okay that you joke about your dog peeing on me without even offering an apology, you seriously have another thing coming.  Poor child let me enlighten you on a little secret, you will walk away and forget my face because I am just one of the many cute girls that your big dumb dog has peed on judging from the response you gave.  In fact I'm not memorable at all since your dog didn't pee on my head like he obviously has to other people or else you wouldn't have mentioned it.  You will go on about your life in  Jaco with your untrained dog and forget I ever existed.  I however will never forget your goofy face or your big dog or the house I watched you walk into on the beach.  Wouldn't it be a shame if someone who actually picks up their dogs poop here in town saved it for a special occasion and sent it flying in it's all glory to land on your front porch in a huge flaming bag?  And then when you were left cleaning up the yucky mess said, "well at least it didn't land in your face!" Ya that would be so sad wouldn't!  Be warned goof for I know where you live! 

Love,

The Girl who knows where you live, but you can remember her face

I as gracefully as possible tried to play it cool and pretend that I wasn't thinking about that big ugly dog that peed on me, but inside I was screaming!!! Ahhhhhhhh!  My thoughts about testosterone had shifted from the appreciation of sand fights, to the thoughts of castrating every male dog in sight. (Don't worry I'm not really that crazy but seriously who is excited about being peed on by a dog, obviously not me)

Any-hoo I left the party a little early cause I was having dinner with a friend and left the boys to enjoy their testosterone filled beach, cause I for one had enough of it for one day!  Obviously I showered and scrubbed the skin off the back of my legs to make sure all the nasty pee was off, got ready, and headed out for some much needed girl time!  It was so great hanging with Courtney we needed to catch up!  We spent a couple of hours at dinner and then went to get ice cream.  Ahhh the healing powers of estrogen.  There's just nothing like it!  

By the time I was headed home it was pretty late, close to to 10.  Which is really not a good idea and trust me it won't happen again!  I was also on foot cause Jeff had el pato rosa since his bike is broken at the moment.  I wasn't to far from home in fact I was only about a 5-8 min walk, but I became very aware of my surroundings and fear started to sink in.  Up ahead I saw this young 20ish punk looking kid walking down the stairs of shopping center I had to walk by.  I had an immediate gut reaction to him as I walked closer.  I'm going to go ahead and thank God for some discernment right there!  As I got closer I started playing over in my mind all the things your supposed to do to keep from being an easy target.  Be aware-check, walk briskly and assertively-check (I have never walked so assertively in my life!), get your weapon out-wawa I had nothing but my feet, well and my trusty old biceps but in all honesty the dude was pretty big.  As I walked closer there was another guy walking his little fluffy shit-tzu which I figured he was definitely a better bet to walk by.  I was right dude with the shit-tzu smiled and walk by.  Unfortunately dirt bag started walking behind my as I passed.  I knew immediately he was a scum bag at least that's the G rated name I would call him.  He crossed over to the side of the street I was on, which before he knew it I passed over to the other side.  I looked back a couple of times to let him know I was aware of his awful presence and walked faster than those Olympic walkers!  He again crossed over to the side of the street I was on and I could hear his footsteps.  He started saying stupid things and making kissing noises.  Weird right?  As if I'm a dog and will turn around and run to him wagging my tail the whole way??  I started to jog and could see a group of 3 guys up ahead that I wanted to get to.  The punk kept yelling at me and was still following me.  I looked back a couple of times to see where he was and truly he stayed pretty close behind.  I don't know what he was yelling cause it was in Spanish and I was focused on getting home but it was obvious he was probably saying weird not very nice gross things to me by the tone of his voice and the noises he was making.  I made it pretty quickly to the group of guys that was up ahead and turned around to see what he did.  He stopped for a minute but kept yelling, at which point I was about 4 houses away from home and turned and sprinted home.  

All joking put aside, I was completely freaked out.  I felt so vulnerable, helpless, and scared.  I truly believe if I wouldn't have gotten that gut feeling when I saw him my story could be very different.  I ran up the stairs, busted through the bedroom door and just started crying.  Jeff of course felt horrible and wanted to run out and pounce the dude.  It was so upsetting.  I couldn't sleep that night, I kept thinking what if?  I replayed the scenario over and over in my mind and am so beyond thankful I am a bit of a hawk when it comes to scoping out pathetic excuses for men.  Work in domestic violence will give you this radar that literally screams when something is just a little off, not to mention God's built in discernment.  I'm thankful for both.

My day started out with the purest form of testosterone.  Boys at play.  The testosterone slowly began to deteriorate in value when a grown man couldn't even apologize for his dog peeing one me, and my day ended with the most pathetic form of testosterone as a young man tried to intimidate me and possibly hurt me simply because I am a woman.  It made me wonder, what happens in those years between boys at play and men who prey?  It's sad, it's discouraging, and quite simply evil at times.  

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a man-hater, I have the privilege of personally knowing some of the greatest men to grace this earth.  My husband, my dad, my brother, good friends, I mean I could name a list as long as the eye could see with great men I know, but the reality is I am a woman, and that simple fact makes me vulnerable to the men of this world, specifically the evil men of this world.  

In the days after the incident I found myself being afraid and discouraged that I had to be so aware of every thing around me.  At the same time I started to be encouraged about the fact I have a son.  I have a great son.  A great son who has a great example for a father.  A son that compassionately loves his family and friends, is sensitive, brave, courageous, and full of testosterone.  I have the chance to love him, teach him, and guide him so someday he puts all that crazy testosterone towards something great, towards someone great.

I might not be able to rid the world of evil men, but I can certainly populate the world with a good one. So here's to all my fellow mom's of boys:
May we populate the world with men who use their testosterone for good and not evil!  May they help, not hurt; love not hate; choose humility over pridefulness; and someday give their own kids a great example to continue the cycle.  Being the mom of a boy is a hefty one especially living in this day and age!